no turning back

Several weeks ago, our pastor preached a sermon series entitled Not a Fan. It was a thought provoking, inspiring message that has lingered with me through the weeks. (I'd highly recommend it. It can be found here.) The second sermon in the series was called Committed and during that sermon, Kyle mentioned Elisha's actions when Elijah called him to service.

So Elijah went and found Elisha son of Shaphat plowing a field. There were twelve teams of oxen in the field, and Elisha was plowing with the twelfth team. Elijah went over to him and threw his cloak across his shoulders and then walked away. Elisha left the oxen standing there, ran after Elijah, and said to him, “First let me go and kiss my father and mother good-bye, and then I will go with you!”

Elijah replied, “Go on back, but think about what I have done to you.”

So Elisha returned to his oxen and slaughtered them. He used the wood from the plow to build a fire to roast their flesh. He passed around the meat to the townspeople, and they all ate. Then he went with Elijah as his assistant. (1 Kings 19:19-21 NLT)

Kyle said that Elisha was obviously somewhat successful since he had 24 oxen to plow his fields. This was his livelihood. And yet, when he received the call, what did he do? He slaughtered his oxen and burned his plowing equipment and had a great big barbecue. He had no intention of coming back. And to make sure that he wasn't tempted to return to his old life, he burned all his bridges behind him. That's commitment.

I've thought a lot about that story since the sermon. And when I read it last week, I thought some more.

I tend to look before I leap.

Then I look some more.

And then I might sit down and think about it for awhile.

Ponder deep thoughts.

Second guess myself.

Think that God surely couldn't be asking me to do that.

Wait some more.

Look some more.

And if I wait long enough, sometimes the opportunity passes me by and I say, "obviously that wasn't God's will.)

But I wonder.

I wonder if there will come a day when the Lord says to me, "Karen, you missed this. Look at how much more you could have been if only you were willing to believe...commit..." It's not that I'm afraid of commitment. I think maybe I'm afraid of what commitment might lead to instead. Does that make sense? Maybe it's more that I'm comfortable where I am. With my oxen and my plow. Following a different path may take me to uncomfortable places. Put demands on me that I don't want to deal with. Require absolute trust in my God.

Yet here's the thing.

I don't want to miss it. The more I come to know Him, the closer I draw to Him, the more I want what He wants for me. So I think my prayer will change to become, "light the barbecue, Lord. Let's go."